Much of your time in day-to-day life is spent engaged in the mindless habit of destructive self-criticism. Whether it’s the way you immediately blame your lack of intelligence for a mistake or how you assume you can’t find anything to wear because you’re not pretty or skinny enough, these negative thoughts collect in your mind and self-criticism is what results because of them. This insidious habit based in the reality of who we are seems to always fall short of the standard of who we think we should be. The niggling little voice inside your head that constantly pick, pick, picks at everything wrong is so deeply ingrained it cannot easily be broken.
Many of these negative thought processes can easily be seen by looking back at family patterns learned from your mother, father, and other well-intentioned adults. Noticing them is wonderful; however, blaming others changes nothing. The act of continuously putting yourself down when things don’t go as imagined is most likely the reason why you’re struggling to reach your goals in all areas of life. The good news is that these negative thoughts are only thoughts and thoughts can be changed. Think positive and positive things will happen.
To grow, to blossom and to become the best version of yourself, you need to begin by showering yourself with self-love, acceptance and praise. Before you fall victim to this disheartening cycle, here are three tips to help you celebrate your journey instead of self-criticizing yourself every step along the way.
- Recognize what makes you unique
Sometimes we get caught up dwelling on the traits we need to work on and overlook the ones that are already worth noticing — such as your ability to calm any crying friend or that you are super organized and terrific at leading a group of colleagues in accomplishing a task. By giving yourself the chance to appreciate the characteristics that make you memorable, the perspective you have for yourself will shine and your patience to improve will strengthen.
- Accept the compliments given to you
- Create a routine where you write 1-2 reasons for why you appreciate yourself
- Stop “Shoulding” on Yourself
Regardless of what your reasons are, the handle you have on your life is only as strong as the control you have on your thoughts — therefore, remember to take care of yourself by taking responsibility of what you let yourself think and change your actions to support the change in thought patterns.
- Be mindful of your thoughts by releasing the need to “should” on yourself
- Rephrase the negative statements that pass through your mind (for example: “I should never be late – I’m rude and inconsiderate”. can translate to “I was late to dinner because there was traffic — I’ll leave earlier next time”)
- Allow yourself to feel your feelings. Feelings aren’t facts.
- Choose specific areas to improve on
Perfection isn’t available — but progress is. Even though the key to avoid self-criticism is to go easier on yourself, the truth of self-improvement is that we all have room to work on it. If you’re someone who lives for results, the idea of reducing your self-critic by enhancing what you’re unsatisfied with is probably the approach you’ve been looking for.
Maybe it’s learning a relevant program because you feel helpless at work, or maybe it’s picking up a new hobby because you feel uncultured — either way, your determination to grow is what will replace your criticism with confidence.
- Be realistic in order to avoid over-stretching yourself
- Make a plan and stick to it to reach your goal
- Differentiate what you do and don’t have control over
- Appreciate your successes
Your moments of success are meant to be highlighted. Be it your accomplishment of achieving an exercise goal or the fact that you fulfilled your commitment to yourself to get 6 hours or more of sleep each night, it’s important to take time out of your day to recognize your accomplishments. In the end, even though you may fall short of your intended goals, you’re doing the best you can.
- Celebrate with your loved ones
- Use social media in a positive light to give yourself a big shout out
- Reward yourself with every success — big or small
Think positive and positive things will happen.
